New meaning to the phrase "garbage plate"

On Wednesday, I flew into Rochester, NY with a plan: visit what is known to a lot of foodies (including Jason Sheehan, of Westword fame) as one of the best cheeseburger places in America.

One small problem: we didn't have a rental car.

Three things happen when you don't have a rental car on one of these trips. One, we had to rely on our contact to drive us to where we were doing interviews. Two, no control over what you ate or when you ate. Three, the client probably isn't going to have the patience to drive you all over Rochester looking for said burger joint, especially when you've already spent 12 hours in an old van together over the better part of 36 hours.

So needless to say, I didn't end up at Schaller's Drive-In. Which is a huge disappointment in itself, but then, I had the bad fortunate to be tortured by the rest of the cuisine throughout central New York state.

Listen: Denver is not a mecca of great restaurants in the United States. But we get by. We are positively Paris-effing-France when compared to most of these places.

First, before we even arrived, I was pouring over Yelp on my iPhone looking for a sports bar within walking distance of our hotel (the Nuggets game, which I don't care to discuss). Then I found the Thirsty Turtle. 'Thirsty' implies booze - how could we lose? We went in, and immediately got the feeling that this was maybe not the place for a couple of out-of-towners. We got into an unfriendly conversation about the Red Wings with some unfriendly locals, and were saddened by the desperation you can only smell on those late 20-somethings stuck in Victor, with no prospects to get out. "It's good to get some local flavor," my cameraman would later tell me. 

As for the food, don't bother. As an ode to knowing I probably wasn't going to make it to Schaller's, I had a bacon cheeseburger that tasted like it was from a seriously dirty grill, and we split 10 hot wings that were not great, but at least were meaty.

The culinary abominations continued the next day. After a 3 1/2 hour drive to Walton, NY and a 2 hour shoot, we decided to stop at Papa's Diner. My cameraman, originally from Wayne, NJ, said he misses diners like this now that he lives in Colorado. I had the Walton Melt, which was chicken and peppers with some sort of (American? Swiss? I couldn't tell, which is a bad sign) cheese. There was also a lot of Elvis crap on the walls, which should have caused us to turn tail and run the second we walked in, but I'm an idiot and convinced us to "stay and try a little local flavor." Take that, cameraman.

That night, with no car and no energy, we walked the 1/2 mile to Chili's by the hotel, where we proceeded to eat basically none of our food (I picked at my disgusting Fajita Quesdillas) but drink a little bit (okay, a lot) too much.

Did I mention that was my birthday? Yep.

Finally, Friday we had another long drive to Angelica, NY (1 1/2 hours), where we built up an appetite shooting a landfill gas to electricity plant (yes, thank you for asking. The smell was incredibly appetizing). The food of central NY was almost vindicated when we stopped in Geneseo, NY for a burger at a bar called The Statesmen. Despite having one of those moments where you walk in and everyone stares at you for about 10 minutes. ("Not me," I plead with my eyes. "The cameraman looks like he'd be a lot better lay than me.") I had another bacon cheeseburger, which was actually very good. I maintain: you find the best cheeseburgers in America in dive bars.

Which brings me to the title of this blog: The garbage plate. Our gracious host told us about a place in Rochester called Nick Tahou Hots that serves what is called a "Garbage Plate", basically a big plate of hamburgers, hot dogs, macaroni, and the like. Why it's called a garbage plate, you got me, but it doesn't sound very good. I guess a lot of restaurants around Rochester have something like it nowadays. 

All that talk about what exactly goes into garbage plates was a fitting end to an underwhelming food trip in Rochester. Guess they slipped me the garbage plate the whole time I was there.