That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Tonight I made a new best friend.

His name is barbacoa.

Let me explain. I've lived in this valley off and on for 21 years of my life. I was here before Carbondale was trendy. Before we had a Target. Before you couldn't find a one-bedroom apartment for less than $1500.

But before all of that, and before me, there was probably a carniceria.

What a shame that it took me such a long time to figure out where one was: 15 minutes away, in Carbondale, by the liquor store and the Family Dollar and by a place that, I guess, installs woodburning stoves. In between all those things is a little bit of perfect. There are three bowls on the plastic picnic tables: onions, limes, cilantro. There are three bottles of salsa (chipotle, green-hot and really hot). There are sodas in glass bottles. There are chicharrones and menudo in glass cases. You can buy a pig head for $20. This is a real butcher shop that happens to have a menu, and happens to make the best tacos I've ever had in my life.

Fresh meat is good meat. I'm a firm believer in that. I don't know how much of it is local, but all of it is hand-cut. And if it looks that good in the case, it's roughly 12473 times better cooked. I got two barbacoa tacos with fresh avocado. My dad got a carne asada burrito.

Both came on fresh tortillas (me: corn. him: flour). I love pork so much I am considering going all Top-Chef-Kevin and getting a pig tattooed on me, and this pork did not disappoint. Slightly sweet/spicy barbecue...amazing. And only $1.60 per taco. Suck it, Chipotle.

Dad's burrito: I think it weighed maybe 6 lbs. And 5 lbs. of that was steak. The remaining pound of burrito was homemade refried beans, onions, avocado, cilantro, salsa verde and queso fresco. Note that not one of those ingredients is rice. And then note that the burrito costs $6.50. Suck it, Qdoba.

So, basically, my plan is to go back until I've tried everything. Except maybe the menudo. You can choose from upward of seven meats, combined into magical creations including tacos, burritos and quesadillas. I'm going to try all of them. Except maybe the tripe. You can also get about eight different kinds of tortas and a lot of things I couldn't read because I don't read Spanish (taking French in high school finally reveals its downfall).

And extra plus: there's a tortillaria next door, so you can pick up some delicious souvenirs. And who doesn't love eating under a collection of giant pinatas?

A short postscript about Cheetos: Here at Eatface, we have determined through extensive research that crunchy Cheetos are texturally a meal unto themselves, while puffy Cheetos are best enjoyed with a robust sandwich. This, of course, is a matter of personal preference. Not a matter of personal preference: Cheetos are the best snack food ever, and I'm not ashamed to say that. Own your love of artificially-orange food. Your life will be better for it.

The Colorado Highway System Can Suck It.

I can say this because this is the second time this year I have been trapped on a highway this year and today it wasn't even snowing.

Time of Departure from Glenwood Springs, CO: approx. 5:30 pm

Planned Arrival: 8 PM, Downtown Denver

Time of Return to Glenwood Springs, CO: 11:00 pm

Time in car total: 5.5 Hours

Total distance traveled: 82 miles

Avg Miles per hour: 14.9

Route: Interstate 70

Area of Entrapment: Mile Marker 153 to 157, Eagle County, Colorado

Honestly, it's one thing if it's ski season and it's a Sunday afternoon/evening. Everyone knows that from November to April this traffic equation is always true:

Sunday evening + SUV + California license plates + precipitation = Sitting on I-70 for hours.
(Give or take precipitation) (Also SUV = pick up truck; California license plates = Texas license plates)

It comes as a surprise to me that apparently the equation can simply be reduced to:

Sunday evening = Sitting on I-70 for hours.

I know this is technically MY fault for not thinking to check the traffic on this perfectly sunny July day. After being unwillingly trapped in Eagle County, Colorado I can't help but feel a bit of a kinderance with Kobe Bryant's groupies so let's quit the victim blaming, deal?

There were many things that helped me through this nearly traumatic time and if you ever plan to travel along I-70 I suggest you bring these along:
cold leftover sesame chicken, 1 half a bottle of old water, music from the Knife, a paperback NY Times Best Selling Novel (My Sister's Keeper, was my goodie), a dying cell-phone (the dying helps the dramatic effect), a snide thing to think about every driver around you and this travel quote from modern-day philosopher Jimmy Buffett, "You can throw your luggage down, lose your cool and stomp around but there's nothing, nothing you can do."

But seriously 5+ hours? There has got to be a better method, perhaps a sign near the entrance to I-70, even a hand written one that reads "I wouldn't go this way, buddy!" would have been good enough for me.

And finally the photo that killed my phone battery, which also turned out to be much less dramatic than I had hoped it would be:

This is just to say…

I ate the cheese fries
That you put on my table
They were delicious
So melty, with bacon.

Yeah I made a William Carlos Williams joke just then. But the cheese fries at Rib City are seriously delicious.

So delicious I couldn’t finish my super delicious pulled pork sandwich.

As far as BBQ goes, this ain’t no Rib House (I will always carry a torch for the Rib House) but it’s pretty fricking good for the Western Slope. Plus, within walking distance of my house, and work (that means downtown, such as it is in Glenwood).

Worth pulling off the highway for if you need a snack.

Especially if you like cheese and bacon as much as I do.

Just try not to think of these little guys while you’re eating it.