The Second-Saddest Place on Earth

Detroit might have it nailed down in the "saddest place on Earth" category, but Albuquerque could close in on it if it doesn't watch its back.

I'm in town for a business trip, leaving tomorrow for the happiest place on Earth, Disney World (duh). But for the moment, I'm in the Hyatt business center (Hyatt=very nice rooms, good pool, decor circa 1993), and here I will recount a little tale about my time in Albuquerque, NM.

I got here and thought, "Hey, not so bad!" It was a reaction spurred by not-so-stellar reviews of the city from, well, pretty much everyone who had been here before me. It was warm. It looked like they had some urban renewal projects going on. There were trees by my hotel. There seemed to be things within walking distance. But soon, my hopes were dashed. To summarize:

Biggest Disappointment
Brazilian food at Tucanos. Turns out this is a chain restaurant, not quite what we had in mind. Anyone remember the Mongolian BBQ in Boulder? This place was that place, only with large skewers of meat instead of grills. And a super wierd salad bar that contained things like garlic mashed potatoes juxtaposed with quail eggs and beef stroganoff. Hm. Also, beware of Tucanos if it is your birthday. They will bang lots of congas and sing in something that I must only assume is Brazilian. There were a lot of birthdays that night. However, local beers were on tap and I had an IPA from the local Marble Brewery which was really quite good. And the old Route 66 area is pretty cool - old neon signs and the like, but not somewhere a lady should be alone at night.

Biggest Fun Surprise
There is a HUGE brigade of bicycle-riding policemen in Albuquerque. This didn't make up for the fact that the 7-11 closed at 9 (as opposed to, you know, 11) or that I counted five passed out drunk dudes and a puddle of vomit in the five minutes it took to walk to the 7-11. Remember how I was heartened by the urban renewal? I think they forgot to finish it.

Biggest Historic Sighting
We ate dinner at the Church Street Cafe in Old Town, which is housed in what the menu claims may be the oldest building in Albuquerque (early 1700s!). Very cool little place with a nice patio and tasty sangria. Sadly, not the best Mexican food, particularly if you enjoy things that are spicy, or, for that matter, things that have salt in them. Nice ambiance, though. Old town is also super cute in the tourist way and there's lots of shopping, some of which is wicked cool, like Santisima - seriously one of the most interesting stores I've ever visited; made me wish my suitcase was way bigger and I was way richer.

Biggest Not-Fun Surprise
My dining companions and I were chilling on the corner waiting for the bus when, out of nowhere, a little to-go side order of salsa flew out a car window as the passenger of said car let out a maniacal cackle. Salsa was everywhere, the carnage smelled of jalapeno. I avoided the drive-by salsing but others weren't so lucky. Then we got on a bus that had a big ad across the ceiling that said, simply, "AIDS." I later saw a bus with a similar sign advertising "SYPHILIS". Wtf.

Biggest Delight
Get ready for a shameless plug. Coworker and I lunched at a restaurant owned by two of our (now married) culinary grads called Cafe Green. It's a French breakfast and lunch joint that had the most delicious (and beautiful) chicken salad sandwich I have ever laid eyes on. Crispy French baguette, cranberries, cucumber, walnuts, hard boiled egg, chives, salt and pepper. Simple and delicious; plus it came with a side of truffle fries. Joy! The menu rotates seasonally based on what is fresh and local. If you ever find yourself here, get there sometime before 2 p.m. and eat well.